Mystic was my previous nick name, and it suited me well. I was all about the mystical, the unknown, hidden powers of the universe. I was such a seeker, and a persistent seeker. At the age of 11 I had my very first wiccan book called “Spell crafts.” I remember how much I loved it. My second book then came along... one called “Playful Magic”. I was entranced at the idea I could obtain creative yet real powers from unseen forces in a underlying dimension. I began playing with spells right away, what an outlet for creativity to be used to manipulate the forces of our unseen world.
The first spell I did... was just an experiment.. I had done a love spell to attract to myself a boyfriend. I had done what the book had told me, and made a heart out of clay and carved my intentions in ruins and did my incantations, and hung it on my basement wall. Well about a week went by and nothing happened which never bothered me, because I had forgot about it anyways. Out of the blue, a friend of mine asked me to contact a person I had once like to ask something about a hat, being the good friend I was I did. I called the guy and told him what my friend wanted then he started asking me questions, and once he remembered who I was he asked me out. I was amazed. We began going out and went steady for 8 months. One night my dad overheard me talking on the phone to him and freaked out, he came in the basement and pulled the heart (my spell craft) off the wall and smashed it. I had forgotten all about it till then. About 1 week and a half after that incident we broke up. I later realized my spell had worked. That surged my curiosity, and exploration even more. Needles to say, I became obsessed, from age 11 on it was just a way of life for me. I was into crystal therapy, mediation, visualization, astral projection ect. Anything in New age or wicca I tried. I had many spells work so many I was hopelessly hooked, you could not tell me anything to make me turn it down I had all the proof I needed, I got further and passed all the Dream magick, and began getting, into the fairy realms, and contacting spirits. Doing circles (calling spirit familiars and such into my home).
I had a few friend try to tell me that I was playing with fire, But they did not know what I knew, so I just did not care. I had a few tell me that Jesus was the only way, and I would tell them, look what ever you believe is true for you, is true for you. If you think there is a Jesus .... then there is a Jesus for you, but not for me, thank you.
I remember as I got older the magic wasn't working all that well anymore, like it was wearing off, but I figured I just needed to apply myself some more. One of my friends had told me about Jesus again, and I wasn't a monster, so I listened and nodded, then I started wondering.... What if this Jesus really is real? If I am a witch will I go to hell? I really didn't want that... you know... just encase...
I asked my High priestess about this and she explained that I was a white witch, and because I work in light and love, and don't do hatefully, or evil spells. If Jesus was real I would go to heaven because I am filled with light and love, and am helping others. “Whew”, what a pressure taken off, that was relief.
Another one of my friends had got my very interested in the bible and church, and I was giving it honest thought... when a guy walked into her house and offered her some meth, and man she was like Yeah! Lets go! I was disgusted, she had one toddler at home and two kids in school, a single mom and going to try crystal meth for the very first time, with this guy... Whow! I thought man, if that is a Christian I wasn't none of that!, I will stick to my wicca, a lot of my “Christian friends” would come clubbing and partying with me all the time, but a lot of them would go further in the mud that I would, it seemed I still had more morals than them. That wrecked my view of “Christianity”.
I was always unhappy on the inside, I was with a man I did not love and he was twice my age, I never had an goals or dreams, just to find true love, that was all I ever wanted. One day, I swore I would meet him, I just did not know how. As life went on I got more unhappy, and more desperate and began going to the bars full time. I used so much magic but it just wasn't doing anything anymore, so I took off, left my kids, and my man and had an affair, well, several. He knew, but wanted to stay with me anyways, and I cried my drunk heart out telling him how I hated living with a man I never did love... this is a 8 year relationship we are talking about. And I told him blatantly to leave. So he did. I really partied then, got kicked out of school, had no money for food or rent, lost one of my children, almost lost my place, man I was a wreck! I was now totally hooked to T3's since they were so good at numbing, or zapping the pain for me. The more I hurt the more pills I popped. In these worst months I began seeing a guy who was also and alcoholic, (we met at the club) and he would come over to my house and drink with me, and he noticed all the crystals, and wicca stuff which my place was filled with and laughed. He said it was all a bunch of nonsense, then he sits there telling me about Jesus. Man did I laugh “Here you are in my house drinking my beer and telling me about Jesus?” He told me that Jesus was the only way and my white wicca was of Satan... I never took that well at all. I told him he was a hypocrite, and if I knew anything about the bible I knew that you were not supposed to “complain about the speck in someone else's eye when you have a log in your own”. He shook his head and I told him that I was going to get a bible and find it ... just to prove to him it was in there. I had to prove him wrong. It was very funny that in the past 3 years of living at my place I had never been bothered by Jehovah's Witness's then out of the blue, around that time period they ended up knocking on the door. So I asked if I could have a bible, within days they brought me one. I never realized looking for one saying of Jesus would be so hard... It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. After what seemed like 4 days or so, I found it and showed him. But to my surprise, as I was looking though that bible, verses I had remembered from childhood came back and spoke to me, I felt as if there was a God, and he was calling. But I ignored this nudge.
About a month later my boyfriend's mother came to visit us. She was a Christian all her life. I was nervous about meeting her, but it turned out great, she helped out so much around the house and with the kids. She was always happy, and at peace. She was very soft spoken, and had this wonderful ease and contentment, with confidence. There was an underlying beauty that shone though was so inspired, I wanted what she had; contentment, peace, joy, and radiance. I didn't though... I had insecurities, many addictions, debts, hurts, anger, frustrations, irritabilities, complications, and hopelessness. She left to go home after a week, at that time, I did not even want her to go.
My mind kept racing for the next week, I figured, man... What have I got to lose? So I prayed. I told Jesus I was sorry for denying him for long, and running from him, then the list went on , I began crying and pouring out my heart in confession and repentance for like a half hour to an hour. I asked him into my heart. By the time I was done I almost felt... new! I told my boyfriend, and he was shocked. He wasn't sure what to think.
Well I began reading the bible and praying, and it was a very interesting time because there were a lot of changes taking place. Yet every trial or problem that came to me I prayed and took it to the Lord. I must say it was tough but God is Faithful!!!
With his help, I was able to quit smoking, drug, drinking, pills, and other stuff I was also dealing with.
I was amazed.
The worst for me was the bar, I had made such a habit of going it was my therapy, I had been going to the bar 5 nights a week!! Every bit of stress that came my way... I would just go to the bar. Well, After I had gotten saved in December, my boyfriend got saved in January. We were in a cleansing process giving all our addictions to Jesus. We got married in February. I thought I was doing real good cause it had been over a few months since I had been to the bar. Then one night things got stressful. The first thing that came to mind was... “I got to get out” (which of coarse, meant the club). I knew that now I was living for the Lord and could be going out and drinking. So I prayed and asked for him to take away the desire. This worked for virtually everything else. Yet, for some reason it didn't work for the bar... I began feeling even more stressed and pressed, I felt anger and rage, I wanted... needed to get out, I didn't want to be in the house. This was getting me very stressed so I went back to my room and prayed the second time, I said
“Lord, I am asking you again, take this desire from me, I really want to go to the bar, I am going nuts!, If you don't take this yearning for me I am going to end up going. I am trusting you!”
I went back to what I was doing and the desire just kept getting stronger and stronger, There was no question now, I needed to get out or I was going to have a break down! My boyfriend would never stay at home and watch the kids while I went out, in the past cause he did not approve of me going drinking.
I was going nuts but I went back to my room and got on my knees one last time and ended up praying that the Lord would help me get to the bar. (how hopeless is that lol) I told him I was sorry but I was going nuts and I needed to get away. Well to my amazement I began to go back in the living room and my boyfriend stopped me in my tracks and said “Look,if it is that bad just go, I will watch the kids!” I just about fell over. He would never say something like that... But really .. come on that could not be the answer to prayer.... would that be in God's will, for me to go to the bar? I don't think so... Anyways, I got ready, and went. I went with a couple of friends of mine and we were going to have FUN! We were ready for a good time. We got to the bar and walked in, and right away, I felt terrible walking in there, it seemed so dark and yucky. I had always enjoyed it before, so I tried to enjoy it again. But it was so weird, the smoke turned me off, the music turned me off, the drinks were sick. I seen things I had never seen before...the lust, hate, greed, rebellion. The whole time, I kept thinking... what would happen if the Lord came right now, here I am having a smoke, and a drink, in this grimy bar. He did not die and shed his blood so I could be cleansed and jump back in the mud.
And what kind of witness am I being? I tried to ignore all this and have a good time anyway.. but I couldn't. I ended up having a rough night and a big headache. I was happy to get home.
Since that night I honestly have never needed to go back to the bar again.... Completely delivered! The Lord walked me though it and helped me get rid of the desire, just as I prayed! That was almost 3 yrs ago and I still haven't stepped foot in a bar. Praise the Lord.
When my husband and I got married, we were both in great debt, like thousands of dollars in debt, and now we have all that paid in full. We are happy, in love and have 2 more beautiful children. We are completely addiction free.
We have had so many signs, wonders, and miracles in our relationship, and walk with the Lord.
It is truly amazing! He continues to bless us in all ways. I have felt the power of the Lord, and in all my years of being a witch I had never felt so much power as when I feel the power of the Almighty God!